DID you read the story about the young woman on a first date who went to the loo in her date’s house and threw her poo out of the window when the loo would not flush (presumably to hide the fact that she had done it); where it got stuck between two walls; whereupon she climbed out of the window to retrieve it, and got stuck herself, hanging down head -first; and the fire brigade had to be called out to rescue her?! True story.

It got me thinking about the lengths to which women will go to conform to some sort of distorted idea of who they ‘should’ be. In this case, it seems like the woman concerned does not accept – is ashamed of – her bodily functions. And, given she was on a first date, this is someone to whom she presumably may have wanted to get close.

MANY women act in this way, trying to conform to accepted  – and contorted – ideas about how it is OK for a woman to behave.Heaven forbid she comes across as her feisty female self! As someone confident in who she is. That might be scary and difficult to control!

WHY do women do this? Deep conditioning, a lack of support and encouragement, societal and personal, for being who we really are; a lifetime of being told we need to be different. Perhaps having been punished for being ourselves.

BUT, SURELY, the worst punishment is that of feeling uncomfortable in your own skin? Which is what happens when you are trying to fulfil someone else’s expectations and not being true to yourself.

DOES any of this resonate with you – do you ever behave in a similar way?

DO you want to do something about it and live your life feeling at peace with yourself?


1. Stop what you are doing at regular intervals during the day e.g. once an hour, and ask yourself ‘How am I feeling?’ and ‘What do I need?’ Simply answer the  questions honestly.You don’t have to do anything about it and no judgement. Just accept what is, accept how and who you are. Perhaps use the affirmation ‘I accept myself exactly as I am.’*

2.  At least once a day, when you answer the first question and you find you would like to be feeling differently, after accepting how you are at that moment, follow it up with ‘How would I like to be feeling now and how can I feel that way? Then take some action in  support of that.

3.  At least once a day, when you answer the second question ‘What do I need?’ take action to support that need in the next 24 hours.

THIS  will help to increase self-awareness and self-acceptance. What do we imagine the woman in the story needed? To be accepted is what comes to mind. It is vital that we women learn to accept ourselves, in order to live in our own rhythm in the world, feeling confident to be true to ourselves and sound our unique note in the world. The world needs us.

*The late and great Louise Hay in her book ‘You can Heal Your Life’, which I read many years ago, created the wonderful affirmation ‘I love and accept myself exactly as I am’. She also suggests looking oneself in the eyes in a mirror whilst saying it, which is very powerful.

To download a copy of  ‘7 Steps to Deeply Confident and Assertive Living for Women’ click ‘Discover the 7 Steps Today on www.livingexcellently.co.uk.

To book a Confidence Clarity session, email me at shanharmony@aol.com